Hell is officially frozen, Pigs are flying and Monkeys are crawling out of Alan’s Butt!! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, brother Frank has quit smoking!
So, how was that bet laid out again? Alan rides a fake bike and Frank quits the most addictive substance this side of Tang?! Fair? No. Besides, Alan lost like 15 lbs…and gained 20 hanging with school chum JT in one night! If the bet involved his nails I’d won easily!! This calls for a list!!
Top 10 Changes that come with quitting…
10. Shhhhh….It’s pretty quiet around here without all that bitching about my smoke.
9. 10 & 2 ……Both hands on the steering wheel, weird!
8. Work sucks 20 minutes longer….No smoke breaks for NON smokers, bullshit.
7.$180 richer…..$6 a pack * 30 days…you get the math.
6. Now what?…..I guess sleep follows directly after sex now.
5. Who farted?…..I can smell EVERYTHING!!!
4. I’m That guy…. I tell everyone I quit and how.
3. 30 sit ups, 50 push ups, 3-5 miles ever other day. No shit.
2. No more Flem….I hope I spelled that right.
1. More people than ever hate me……Fuck them! Some say I am meaner, some are jealous or mad I actually quit smoking. Misery loves company and nothing pisses off a smoker more than someone who succeeded in quitting. My good smelling ass is gonna run right by them while cracking a six minute mile as they huddle around an ashtray grumbling how indecent it is for me to run in public wearing those shorts. I do it for the ladies.
Special thanks to Kathy for the “Book of Ages” which pretty much pushed me over the edge to quit.
Nice Top 10 list. But the “good-smelling ass” part? Maybe a little much…
Seriously though…congrats on your latest addiction. Running & exercise will definitely give you a better outlok on life and add a couple of years to it! I am very proud of you and I hope that everyone else is as well. You seem much happier and a lot more energetic (and sarcastic)!
Love you Bro!
Are you gonna bring back the Tobacco Road post again? I believe it deserves a re-post, due to relevancy!
MORE sarcastic… are you serious Alan ¿!?
—-
If you don’t have the original “Tobacco Road” post – don’t worry… your technically inclined geeky nerd friend has a cached copy, that our friends at WayBack web have stored!
Alan or Frankie – e-mail me if you want a copy
and yes, I am very, very proud of you Frank
Red rover, red rover, send TB on over….
is that a call for the TR post, or a call out for a beating?!
Said TB meant TR…for Tobacco Road. Beatings are reserved for Golf courses, and no playoff hole bullshit :>
Great job Frank!! and very funny post:) I peed a little.
Awesome top ten list. And obviously, awesome job quitting smoking. And the jogging thing is great too…now maybe you can shed a few of those unwanted extra pounds
I eat all day now, I need the carbs for my running!!!