Hell is officially frozen, Pigs are flying and Monkeys are crawling out of Alan’s Butt!! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, brother Frank has quit smoking!
So, how was that bet laid out again? Alan rides a fake bike and Frank quits the most addictive substance this side of Tang?! Fair? No. Besides, Alan lost like 15 lbs…and gained 20 hanging with school chum JT in one night! If the bet involved his nails I’d won easily!! This calls for a list!!
Top 10 Changes that come with quitting…
10. Shhhhh….It’s pretty quiet around here without all that bitching about my smoke.
9. 10 & 2 ……Both hands on the steering wheel, weird!
8. Work sucks 20 minutes longer….No smoke breaks for NON smokers, bullshit.
7.$180 richer…..$6 a pack * 30 days…you get the math.
6. Now what?…..I guess sleep follows directly after sex now.
5. Who farted?…..I can smell EVERYTHING!!!
4. I’m That guy…. I tell everyone I quit and how.
3. 30 sit ups, 50 push ups, 3-5 miles ever other day. No shit.
2. No more Flem….I hope I spelled that right.
1. More people than ever hate me……Fuck them! Some say I am meaner, some are jealous or mad I actually quit smoking. Misery loves company and nothing pisses off a smoker more than someone who succeeded in quitting. My good smelling ass is gonna run right by them while cracking a six minute mile as they huddle around an ashtray grumbling how indecent it is for me to run in public wearing those shorts. I do it for the ladies.
Special thanks to Kathy for the “Book of Ages” which pretty much pushed me over the edge to quit.
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